


it's okay for me to get hurt

by ynmnsoulmates



Series: stray kids drabbles <3 [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan is Whipped, Hanahaki Disease, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Sweetheart, M/M, bang chan im so sorry baby, changbin appeared like once I'm sorry, woojin you're so oblivious honey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 06:16:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16592408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynmnsoulmates/pseuds/ynmnsoulmates
Summary: chan falls in love but he's one of the unlucky ones.





	it's okay for me to get hurt

**Author's Note:**

> it was just an idea that i wrote in four hours. sorry if it sucks though :<

Chan can't remember when it was that he first fell for his best friend.

Maybe it was the first time when he heard him sing, voice so smooth and dripping with honey, raw and desperate to be heard. Woojin never really sang for him before, because he was too shy. Chan didn't know that he would regret asking the boy to sing for him as a birthday gift.

They were only 17, what do they know about love anyways? That's what Chan thought when he felt his heart skip a beat in his left chest moving along to his best friend, the wide smile still plastered on his lips.

Or maybe it happened when they were 15, happening to bump into each other at the hallway. Chan wasn't watching where he was going, and he didn't see someone his age heading his way with piles of books on his arms.

He wasn't a mean boy, so he apologised to the boy before sparing a glance at him, only to feel taken aback when he took in the latter's facial features. Eyes sparkling so bright and a pair of lips still smiling sweetly as if nothing happened, he felt himself fall into a trance.

Or maybe it was when Chan asked to be his friend, voice shaky and soft because he was scared the beautiful boy won't even bother with him. He didn't know why he tensed up when Woojin looked at him back with a cheerful smile and a soft respond sounding much like a _sure channie_.

The said latter still hasn't figured out how the boy actually knew his name, but he definitely got a little shocked when Woojin interwined their hands together and happily led him to a table. Was he supposed to feel that way?

But he definitely could confirm that it was love at the age of 18.

It was a normal day, he was watching his best friend quietly from the school garden's swing as the latter laughed together with Minho, their other best friend. Changbin was quietly sitting beside him on the swing, probably texting Felix using his phone as they waited for lunch break to end.

Suddenly, he feels a tightness in his left chest when Woojin meets his eyes with a honey smile, much akin to the one we all experience after running for our fitness test. Chan immediately grabs at his heart as he averts his eyes, taking a deep breath and holds it in, before slowly pushing out all of the air in his lungs, thinking that it would relieve the pain.

The burning subsided, only to be replaced by a tightening that spanned his entire chest and back. It was like the muscles themselves were straining, like something sharp was pulling them taut beneath his skin.

Chan doubles over onto his knees, falling out of shock and pain as he gasps for air, earning confused and worried looks from his clique. Changbin quickly kneels beside him with wide eyes, clearly not understanding what's happening as he holds a soft hand on Chan's shoulder, "Hyung? R'you okay?"

He begins coughing uncontrollably, picking himself up with no answers as a twisting pain grows in his chest, and starts running to the school building for the restroom. The boys watch him confusedly; Changbin exchanging quick looks with Woojin before he also gets up to quickly follow Chan.

Chan locks the restroom door after him, before he stumbles over to one of the sinks and violently coughs out whatever that's threatening to come out of his lungs, eyes closed harshly. Only does he open his eyes does he realise the true magnitude of what was going on.

He feels a tear roll out of his right eye as he picks up the lone white petal on the sink bowl, covered with a few specks of his blood, recognising it as a white carnation. Chan breaks out into a sob, gripping the small petal in his hand tightly as he ignores the worried calls of his name from the other side of the door.

He cursed himself silently for hoping, because he knows the meaning behind the flowers coming from his lungs, and he also knows that he's one of the unlucky ones.

 _innocence_.

The next time it happens, he was happily having his daily video call with Woojin. They did it everyday as a routine, not wanting to miss out on anything in each others' life. Woojin introduced it actually, thinking that it would be fun. They were 16, and have been doing this for two years.

So why did this only happen now?

" _-and I was really endeared, but I don't like him that way. I know that Hyunjin is a sweet guy but I can't help it if my heart isn't attracted to him, right Channie?_ " The said male nods along with a soft smile playing on his lips, cheek leaning comfortably against his fluffy pillow as Woojin sits at the table with his hands cupping his cheeks.

" _What should I do? Give me your honest opinion!_ "

"Woojin-ah, you know I'm not really helpful with these types of situations.."

" _But I still want to hear your thoughts. Come on! Let me hear you out!_ " Woojin reassures him with a grin, earning a chuckle from the other male.

Chan clears his throat, not noticing how his lungs were starting to get itchy again, "Well... Maybe, you could just try - _coughs_ \- try to go on a d-date - _coughs_ \- shit, wait, give me a second."

Woojin furrows his eyebrows worriedly as Chan rushes out of frame, sitting upright and moving closer to his phone when he hears his best friend coughing violently as if he had breathed in something toxic, " _C-channie? Are you okay?_ "

The latter shakily breathes as he looks at the bunch of bloody small petals that he had just coughed out sitting on his sink bowl, gulping nervously as he picks up one and examines it carefully with trembling fingers. He hears Woojin calls his name again and he hurriedly drops it back into the sink, before proceeding to flush them down the toilet.

He recognises them as yellow hyacinths.

Chan rushes back to his phone after washing his mouth and hands free of blood, assuring his best friend that he's fine before continuing on with his words, even though the flower petals served as a reminder that he shouldn't.

 _jealousy_.

Minho was the only one who accidentally found out.

The both of them were just hanging out in Chan's room, enjoying the air-conditioning as the sun glared merciless at the world outside. It was quiet, a comfortable silence that Chan especially enjoyed when he couldn't be bothered to do anything.

They were just laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling before Minho breaks the silence because of his curiousity.

"Hyung?"

"Yes, Minho-ah?"

"Are you sick?

Chan whips his head to the side to look at his friend, who looks back at him with an expectant look, "Well?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"You have been coughing a whole lot now and it's getting really suspicious."

Chan chuckles at that before he averts his eyes back to the ceiling of the room, shaking his head in denial, "No, I'm totally fine."

"Huh, fine then. Talk to me about Woojin hyung, then."

"W-what?!" Minho rolls his eyes at the reaction, not knowing how he had triggered the thorns to grow again in the older male's lungs.

"Come on, hyung. I'm not oblivious to your loving stares and glances, and big dumb smiles towards him!" Chan quietly sits up, gritting his teeth tightly together as he tries not to cough in front of the younger male.

"If anything, Woojin hyung is the only one who hasn't noticed anything..... H-hyung? Are you truly okay?" Minho notices the deep breaths the older was taking and stops his ministration out of worry again.

Chan takes a deep breath, before he stumbles to get out of bed. Minho sits up worriedly, eyes wide opened as the older opens the bathroom's door and heaves over the toilet bowl, sounding painful as he starts sobbing above the violent coughs.

The younger male rushes to the latter's side and tries to comfort him with pats on the back, only to suddenly stop when he sees inside the toilet bowl. Chan spits out some blood before flushing the toilet, collapsing against the bathtub with spots of blood on his pale lips and red tearful eyes.

His reaction consists of tears and sincere apologies as he presses his face into Chan's chest and arms wrapped around him, only gaining a bitter smile from the older. Aster.

_daintiness. love._

Chan begins to stray away from his best friend, not wanting to make it more painful for himself. Since he knows how vulnerable he is now, he doesn't want more people to know. He avoids that, by just staying in his house.

He stops attending school, he doesn't answer anyone's calls except Minho's, and especially avoids going outside. He knows he looks like shit, with his lips chapped and skin too pale to be healthy.

Most of the days, he heaves out flowers with fresh blood. Begonia, Lavender, Iris, Marigold, Rhododendron. He lastly coughs out blue salvia before everything completely stops.

 _thinking of you_.

Did he finally die? He can only hope.

**hyung, woojin hyung needs to meet you. he'll be at your house soon. im sorry for the short notice, but he seemed pretty desperate to see you so i couldn't say no.**

Chan steps out of the bathroom freshly showered wearing warm clothes, not wanting to smell disgusting when his best, is he still, friend visits him. At least he can look slightly presentable, although his eyes say otherwise.

He waits patiently at the couch, knees hugged to his chest as he stares blankly at the white wall with his head tilted, only hearing the clock ticking and soft sounds of traffic. He stays there for half an hour, before a knock on the door snaps him out of his empty thoughts.

He gets off the couch with light steps before opening the door, only to feel his heart skip a beat when he comes face to face with a teary Woojin. Chan naturally smiles at him and steps aside for his friend to come in, who enters while wiping his eyes with his jacket's sleeve.

"Minho told me you wanted to talk to me...?"

"Ah, y-yes...."

"Come on, let's go into my room."

The best friends sit quietly on the bed, bodies facing each other as they wait for one of them to speak up. Woojin bites on his bottom lip anxiously and glances at Chan's face, to only avert his eyes when he meets eyes with the latter.

Chan sighs softly, "Woojin-ah, what do you need to tell me?"

"I... I- urm, I don't.."

"....You can come back some other time when you feel better to-"

"-no! It's okay, I should do it now!" Woojin raises his voice slightly, only to soften his voice again out of guilt when he makes eye contact with his best friend who looks at him expectantly.

Woojin takes a deep breath and his hand digs into the pocket below his jacket, only to pull out a stalk of red tulip. Chan looks at it confusedly, before looking back up with his lips forming a thin line, "What do you mean by this?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry that I only realised my feelings for you now."

_passion. declaration of love._

"W-what?" Chan shakily breathes out as Woojin gingerly puts down the flower onto the space beside them, before moving closer to the lad to hold his hands in his.

"Woojin-ah, you're joking."

"I'm not, you need to trust me on this Chan."

Chan desperately tries to pull his hands away from his best friend, who looks at him with teary eyes, "I-I didn't cry and vomit out blood and flower petals for a fucking joke!"

"You need to listen to me, Chan!"

"Stop it! Stop messing with my head! I felt like dying for fucking months and now you're telling me that you god damn love me?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Woojin lets go of his hands only to cup Chan's face in his hands, making the latter stop struggling and his hands fall to his lap as he lets the tears free. "Y-you're lying.."

"I love you."

"I can't do this anymore, Woojin."

"I love how you hold me. I love how you tell me I'm beautiful. I love how you look at me funny when I say something stupid. I love how you make me happy. I love how you smile when I see you. I love how you laugh when I say something random, or stupid-" Chan shakes his head furiously, hands going to weakly hold Woojin's wrists, who still continued spilling his heart out.

"-I love the face you make when I snort when I laugh. I love how you ask me if I'm alright when I can't stop laughing. I love how you make me feel. I love how you tell me I look cute. I love how you like my pajamas. I love how you talk about music for hours. I love how you say sweet things to me. I love how you whisper in my ear when it's really quiet. I love how you squeeze me so hard when you hug me. I love how I can talk to you for hours about anything, and you listen, and I listen. I love how you rub my back and kiss my neck when I'm sad. I love how you deal with my picky eating habits. I love how you worry about me, and take care of me. I love how you tolerate through my nonsense, despite calling it normal. I love how you pay for me when we go to places. I love how you insist everything will be okay, and make me feel at ease. I love how you make sure I stay in line. I love how you get mad when someone says something to upset me. I love everything about you, Channie, and I'm sorry for only realising it so late when you went through so much pain for loving me."

Woojin finally lets go of his face and freezes for a moment when Chan leans his forehead against his, eyes staring into each others' as they try to absorb everything that just happened. Chan whispers softly after a moment of realisation, finally understanding the truth, "Is that why _it_ just.... Stopped?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"How did you know? About your feelings?"

"Minho talked to me.. I guess he proved something to me."

Chan sniffles and nods in understanding, shaky hands holding Woojin's waist as he pulls the male into his lap. Woojin loops his arms around the male's neck and they stare at each other quietly, before Chan pulls him into a kiss that makes all the pain go away.

He no longer feels the thorns in his chest and the burn under his pecs that was so uncomfortable for him, and he finally feels like he can breathe comfortably again. His heart feels light once again.

Woojin pulls away to gasp for air, making the other smile softly as he watches him in adoration. "I love you so much, Woojin.... I can finally say that without feeling any pain, oh my god-"

"Shush! Give me more kisses."

"I'm going to tell the others about your confession! It was so cute!"

"...If you don't kiss me right now, I will-" Chan chuckles and pulls him into another kiss, that got quite intensed when Chan decides to do some tongue in action.

The next day when they enter the school with their hands interwined, Changbin and Minho doesn't question it, but they can't lie that it made them quite happy.


End file.
